With the acception of a very few people, very little know what has been actually going on with my husband and I. Our summer was a very hard one. While the situation had more to do with how I was feeling then my husband, it was still extremely hard on both of us. Progressing forward to get better was hard because a majority of the time I felt so guilty for stressing my husband out. He is wonderful and amazing and certainly didn't deserve this. But after trying to sort through what I was going through on my own for years, it was starting to show up in our relationship whether I liked it or not. After I finally got the courage to tell my husband absoultly everything, he told me that he had pretty much already knew that and sensed something was not right all this time. After a very confusing summer we came close to things ending once or twice, but are not giving up and still working at things. The last few days we have made huge progress and are finally feeling happy and best of all clear of our emotions. We still have a lot to work through but I think we will still have our happy ending together!
We love Ethan and Peyton more then anything in the world. But did they change us? Absolutly! We could not imagine life without them, but at the same time we do miss the days when it was just us two. Jason and I did everything in hyperspeed and backwards. And through no fault of our own we never thought of the reactions to our choices. Things were a lot harder then we both ever thought they would be. We both gave up on dreams and both struggled to get over them. For now we are feeling alright with our new dream and the life we have today. We are taking baby steps and making small goals at a time to get back to the easiness and bliss we once had.
Why am I sharing this some of you might be asking? I am sharing because keeping this a secret was affecting me. I felt like a fraud potraying a happy girl with a ''perfect'' marrige. But thats not true. And after opening up completely to a few of my friends I felt so much lighter and relaxed. And while I realize a blog is just a blog and I am able to choose what I share. This is also a version of therapy for me. Not hiding something is HUGE for me. While I am not great at hiding things, it can take a lot for me to admit when something is bothering me.
Thank you so much for all the love and support everyone has given me, I hope you will all still continue to follow me, even if I focus a little more on my family and a tiny bit less on blogging.
While taking these photos yesterday it was then I knew we would overcome everything and it will work out for the better!
Thank you for reading this, it was not easy to write, and again I hope you won't be upset with me for posting something like this and will stick around to see how it all will get better!